Thor
by VisualIDentificationZeta
Summary: [JackSam established] SUMMARY: Jack and Thor undergo some male bonding after meeting for the first time on Othalla.... SERIES OVER
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Thor

AUTHOR: Vid Z.

PAIRING: Jack/Sam

WARNINGS: full of silliness, not to be taken seriously

TIMELINE: after Fifth Race, but before Sam's promotion to Major

CATEGORY: Humor, established relationship, silliness.

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show Stargate SG-1 are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

The song "Thor (The Powerhead)" was written by Joey DeMaio and performed by Manowar, was published by 10 Music. The lyrics are property and copyright of their owners and are provided for educational purposes only. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. I do not make any money with this fic, nor do I make any money with the lyrics used.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: this is my first purely SG fic. I've had this idea for over a year now, but was too lazy to write it down. It's a pointless and stupid little fic, but I hope I fufilled my objective and made you at least smile, if not laugh. Enjoy!

SUMMARY: Jack and Thor undergo some male bonding after meeting for the first time on Othalla.

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"Thor, buddy! You're here!" cried an only slightly inebriated Jack as Thor, the Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet beamed onto his dock, beside Jack's telescope.

"Greetings, O'Neill! I have arrived as requested." replied Thor calmly, his big black eyes blinking up at Jack.

"Great! Take a load off!"

Thor just stood there, still staring at Jack. "A load off, O'Neill? I am not carrying anything." Thor knew full well what Jack meant, but it was so fun yanking his chain.

"No, I mean, take a seat" explained Jack as he moved a folding chair closer to Thor before he headed into the cabin.

Thor sat tentatively onto the chair, afraid to death of this primitive technology. After having lived for thousands of years he did not want to be defeated ungloriously by a folding chair! He would not get to Valhalla that way.

Suddenly a fast beat sounded through the speakers that were positioned in the open windows of the small house. Thor noted that it was something the Tau'ri called "heavy metal". After having observed the Tau'ri for the last few thousands years he knew the different subcultures quite well, though music and poetry are Bragi's domain, not his.

A minute later Jack came outside, carrying a case of glass-bottle beers in both of his hands.

He flopped down into his own chair and set the beer between them. He took two, opened them and offered one to Thor who asked.

"What are these acoustics, O'Neill?"

"Ah..." drawled Jack. "Just something I picked up a few weeks ago. It's called 'Thor, the Powerhead'. Though you'd like it."

"I am honored."

Then the vocals started and a man with an impressive lung capacity started singing.

_Black clouds on the horizon_

_Great thunder and burning rain_

_His chariot pounding, _

_I heard the heavens scream his name_

"Very good selection, O'Neill."

"Yeahsureyabetcha!"

_I watched as he shouted_

_To the giants who died that day_

_He held up his hammer high _

_and called to Odin for a sign_

"You know what, Thor?"

"What, O'Neill?"

"I always believed your Hammer was a kind of battle hammer, a hand-held weapon."

"Were you disappointed when you encountered the real one on Cimmeria?"

"Not entirely."

"How so?"

"It was a huge, honkin' gun with a really great death ray. But I still like the idea of that lightening-zapping battle hammer better. It's much more cool"

"I shall see what I can procure for you then, O'Neill"

"Cool, thanks, Thor!"

_Thor the mighty, Thor the brave_

_Crush the infidels in your way_

_By your hammer let none be saved_

_Live to die on that final day_

_Gods, monsters and men_

_We'll die together in the end_

"Ya think 'tis true, Thor?"

"What is that, O'Neill?"

"We'll all die together in the end?"

"I believe so."

"Oh fer cryin' out loud!"

_God of thunder, God of rain_

_Earth shaker who feels no pain_

_The powerhead of the universe_

_Now send your never ending curse_

"Hey, Thor!" exclaimed Jack.

"Yes, O'Neill?" asked the tipsy Supreme Commander.

"Can you really make the Earth shake?"

"Is it not shaking enough as it is, O'Neill?" asked Thor, for whom Earth was moving around a bit.

"Oh, yeah, good point."

"Indeed it is."

_I watched as he shouted_

_To the giants that died that day_

_He held up his hammer high _

_and called Odin for a sign_

Jack was impressed with Thor, who kept draining beer bottles. What Jack forgot was the fact that Thor was a Norse God and they'd drunk a lot of beer in his time there. As a God he had to personally attend those parties and had built up a lot of stamina. Well, until they stopped believing in Norse gods and their government had put strict alcohol-control laws in place.

_Thor the mighty, Thor the brave_

_Crush the infidels in your way_

_By your hammer let none be saved_

_Live to die on that final day_

_Gods, monsters and men_

_We'll die together in the end_

By now both "stargazers" were quite sloshed. Even with his small stature Thor was able to hold an incredible amount of alcohol, impressing Jack very much. The two sang along passionately, a grotesque duet with Jack's drunk croaking and Thor's near-computer-like voice. They were swinging their beer bottles around, beer splashing and scaring all the fish away. Had there been any fish...

_Swing your hammer to crack the sky_

_Lift your cape so that you might fly_

_Back to Odin and gods on high_

_And leave this mortal world_

The duet was painful to hear as both singers were terribly off-key, not to mention the difference in voices. Truth is, even completely sober they wouldn't have sung any better, but at least this time they could blame it on the beer. And they did. Later...

_Thor the mighty, Thor the brave_

_Crush the infidels in your way_

_By your hammer let none be saved_

_Live to die on that final day_

_Gods, monsters and men_

_We'll die together in the end_

_Odin_

... when they woke up with huge, honkin' hangovers, the size that could kill an elephant. But these were two experienced drinkers.

Thor turned to Jack and looked at him with unfocused eyes. Well, as unfocused as two completely black eyes can be.

"O'Neill?" hic "Where is." hic "your mate?" hic

"Doesn't want" hic "to be" hic "here. Said something" loud belch "about refusing to listen" hic "to a couple of drunks" hic "belting out rowdy songs." hic

They both giggled at the thought of dirty songs, they hadn't gotten that far yet. Neither of them found it strange that the song never ended, Jack had unknowingly put it on repeat and thus they had no way of knowing just how much time had passed and how many beers they had drunk.

"If Captain Car... O'Neill is dissatisfied with you I shall summon Sjofn to stop the altercation."

"Cool."

It was quiet, except for the very loud music and the off-key singing of course, for a few minutes before Thor spoke up again.

"O'Neill?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you believe these Manowar would be willing to perform on Othalla for the Asgard?"

"Don't know, little buddy."

"I shall ask them anyway. If they refuse I shall just take them with me."

"Yeah, no problem. The government will just deny everything, especially the possibility of abduction by the little grey men. We're used to lying to the public, so it's not going to be anything new. After all, we're calling those, who claim we are in cohorts with aliens, 'crazies' and lock them up in mental hospitals or make fools out of them on TV, while we really are in cohorts with aliens."

"Excellent. O'Neill?" Thor started again.

Yet, there was no reply from Jack and Thor turned to look, finding Jack fast asleep. Thor blinked twice and touched a button on his wrist device, commanding his ship to cut off all power to Jack's cabin, thus turning off the music. Then he settled back into the chair and he too fell asleep.

2 hours later Captain Sam O'Neill, Jack's "mate", found them both peacefully sleeping on the dock. Barely managing to stop herself from laughing at the sight she quickly ran inside to grab her digital camera. After snapping a few pictures she tucked blankets over the both of them and went to bed.

There was only one victim of Jack and Thor's performance. A poacher/part-time burglar who wanted to break into Jack's cabin was an unsuspecting witness to Thor and Jack's duet and was scarred for life by it.

Years later it was said that the Tau'ri-Tok'ra-Asgard alliance was brokered between Jack, Jacob Carter and Thor. Poor unsuspecting wildlife, that somehow had strayed close to Jack's cabin, was frightened off by the three of them having a celebratory party.

An unnamed source, it could only have been Sam O'Neill cause she was at that time trying to sleep in the cabin, confirmed the rumors that the three were singing quartet.

Jack, Thor, Jacob and Selmak.

It was not pretty.

THE END


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Stargate is not my usual fandom, but I was talked into writing more. Will update when I have the muse.

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Jack was in his office, doing paperwork.

Contrary to common belief, he did know that he had an office and where it was, and he did his paperwork on time. He just had great organizatorial skills and always managed to do the despised paperwork on time, being left to wonder around the base, looking like he had nothing to do. Which he didn't. But everyone thought he was just avoiding his work.

Which is why he always had time to either bug the archeologist or hang around his wife's lab, encouraging her to explain things to him.

He loved to listen to her, so it didn't matter that he didn't understand things that didn't have anything to do with either Astronomy or Astrophysics. When you're married to an Astrophysicist and have her books all over your house, you're bound to pick something up. Besides, her field of expertise was a sister field of his, so he had to know something about it. He just loved to play dumb, it was really enjoyable to see just how frustrated he could make Daniel.

Suddenly a bright light engulfed his desk, blinding him. When he realized what was happening, he hoped for the best. "Yes! Please tell me Thor just beamed away all this red tape."

Then the light was suddenly gone and he was disappointed to discover that the hated paperwork was still there.

But something was new.

In the middle of his desk lay a beautifully crafted hammer and a goose egg shaped stone.

Not just a hammer, but a battle hammer.

Something Thor had said during their last male bonding, that at the time went unregistered because of the alcohol, returned to him. _"I shall see what I can procure for you then, O'Neill"_

"The little buddy gave me a real Thor's Hammer!?" Jack's eyes widened in delight and he picked the weapon up to study it more closely.

It was obviously made with love and an amzing skill. Runes covered the hammer and the handle was beautifully carved. Jack weighed it in his hand and discovered that it was balanced perfectly and was in fact quite heavy. He didn't know what the metal used was, but it was nothing from Earth, nor naquada. The handle fitted quite well into his hand, it should've, since it was obviously custom made for him.

The the egg gave a weird sound. He took it in his hand and looked at it.

Then Thor's voice came through loud and clear making him jump. "Greetings, O'Neill!"

"Thor, buddy!" exclaimed Jack happily.

"I have procured the item you requested. It is fully operational and tuned into your brain waves. To use it, point into the direction of the threat and the hammer will recognize the brain waves associated to friend/foe recognition and discharge a particle beam at the target. This way it can not be fired unintentionally or by anyone else. As you requested it can also cause a minor earthquake upon it's impact with the ground. Not enough to do damage to any nearby infrastructure, but strong enough to distract the threat."

"Wow, Thor! Thanks just doesn't cover it. I owe you a really big one for this."

"And I will collect, rest assured." countered Thor ominously. Then he continued. "The Asgard High Council has decided that your and your mate's survival is vital to your and our species and as such you must be protected at all time. Which is why you have been issued this hammer and an Asgard ship will be in your planet's orbit at all time, to monitor your and your mate's health. The communications device is for your personal use only and is not to be used by anyone else."

"Wow. I don't know what to say. Rest assured that I will take good care of the hammer and the egg and will not let anyone know about the egg."

"Very well, O'Neill."

"I'd just like to ask if I am allowed to do something."

"Yes, O'Neill?"

Jack took a deep breath and plunged in.

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SG-1 were all geared up and waiting in the embarkation room for their fearless leader, who was late.

The wormhole was already established, when the blast doors opened and he stepped in.

As they were talking amongst themselves no-one noticed him. Until...

"Colonel O'Neill, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" yelled Hammond over the speakers and they turned only to get the shock of their lives.

There stood Jack, clad in thick, black, home-spun trousers, long-sleeved brown shirt beneath a raw-leather jacket, wide leather belt, a sword hanging off another belt that was anchored on his other shoulder, brown leather boots, obviously none of the leather items had been made in a factory. On his head was a tight leather helmet, fitting his head snugly, with a reinforcing strip of metal along the center seam, and a large, round wooden, covered with leather and with a metal bump in the middle, shield on his back. It was decorated with simple patterns and painted with bright colors. Around his neck hung a leather strap with a silver miniature Thor's Hammer, a good luck charm, while the real thing was held in his hand.

Daniel thought he'd skipped back in time and was looking at a Viking, and was seriously contemplating if Jack would let him take a look at his equipment. He couldn't wait to get his hands on it. Sam, meanwhile, was seriously worried about her husband and wondered if she should've been there during his last male bonding with Thor. She was smelling a rat and the rat looked like a grey, little Asgard. Teal'c said nothing, just stood there with a raised eyebrow.

Jack turned towards the control room and waved at the General. "It's okay, sir. Thor allowed it!"

He had asked Thor for permission to dress as a Viking, since the hammer would've looked weird with his BDU's and the Vikings were Thor's favorite nation, which is why he needed permission to dress as one. Obviously Thor had approved.

Jack then turned towards the 'Gate and walked up the ramp, throwing a comment over his shoulder, while everyone was still looking at him, with their mouths gaping. "Coming, kids?"

With that he stepped through the 'Gate and was gone...

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Ironically to a desert planet.

But once the General calmed down, he did send SG-1 to Cimmeria and other planets populated by Vikings, quite often after that.

Of course, after Jack had underwent a psych eval and Hammond had had a long talk with Thor.

THE END


	3. Chapter 3

Jack and Thor were talking.

"You think the author should update this fic with a real part?" asked Jack.

"I do not believe so, O'Neill." blinked Thor up at Jack.

"Yeah, you're right, little buddy. He got over 200 hits for the last part and not one review. It's not worth the time, that he could spend on his other fics, on writing this fic only to receive no feedback. Say after me, Thor." they looked at one another and exclaimed together.

"That's all, folks!"

THE END of the series


End file.
